Wednesday 16 May 2007


"Oh, I know I've been very selfish," sighed Anne. "I love Gilbert more than ever--and I want to live for his sake. But it seems as if a part of me was buried over there in that little harbour graveyard--and it hurts so much that I'm afraid of life."
"It won't hurt so much always, Anne."
"The thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else, Marilla."

i never read this with any clarity before Lins died. but today it makes sense. it makes sense for Ali and Nik, and in a small part for the rest of us as well.

sitting here trying to finish my portfolio for my counselling course with the music on and 'Blessed be Your Name' came on. i almost can't stnad that song right now. oh, i know it is true, of course it is - but just because it's true doesn't mean i have to like it. Ali said the other day, "why is it like this? i'm still going to love and follow God until i die, so why do this?"

and my heart broke all over again for him. for the hurt that's there and for the hurt of it going away.

there isn't any forgetting, but it seems as if there should be a pause when we loose beauty like Lins. it's not even as if winter has fallen. it's just like winter is.

1 comment:

Aaron and Suellen said...

I was really sorry to hear about your friend, Lindsay, E, and I know you've walked this road before (as have I) and I don't think it is ever any easier and while time may change some of the intensity memories are always bittersweet. As more time passes, and some memories pass, it is harder to imagine that person at the age they would be. But I guess it is also comforting to imagine them in heaven in perfect peace, and I'm pretty sure they are laughing there and having a great time and that one day God's plan will make sense to us. It already does to our friends in heaven, which is pretty neat when you think about it. Can you imagine what else they know and experience? Our prayers are with you, sister.