training

it's good to get another perspective and hash through training with people who know what you're talking about when you're mentioning repeats, lap times and core stability.

slowly slowly my head is starting to come out of the McKenzie cloud. i'm training again...slowly trying to build some speed...my back is bad these days and it's keing me from doing anything too serious. frustrating.

i might try to see a different physio.

meanwhile, tonight was a race against the darkness as now it's 'night' at 17.15.

4 x 5.30min
2min rest
warm up
cool down.

tired. but a good tired.

motivation

The last couple months have been odd. Not in a bad way, just....well... in an odd way.
We spent most of sept in America for our holiday. It was good but seriously thought provoking.

I ran a 31mile trail race at the beginning of the holiday. Was gutted about the performance and didn't run the rest of the month. I struggled (am struggling) with this one. Came home without a whole lot of motivation or ideas of what to do about training. My back wasn't great so there wasn't a whole lot I could do.

Then last weekend I ended up talking for a couple hours to someone I don't really know about running and training. It was a great laugh, even if it meant standing in the rain for 5 hours. And something about that discussion has given me back my training motivation. Odd how motivation can come from the most unexpected places. I still need to sort out some things in my head, but it's great to have a bit more focus.

Need to remember I come from Track Town USA.

All precious things discovered late
To those that seek them issue forth,
For Love in sequel works with Fate,
And draws the veil from hidden worth.
--TENNYSON

Anne

There stood Anne and Diana,gazing bashfully at each other over a clump of gorgeous tiger lilies. "Oh, Diana," said Anne at last, clasping her hands and speaking almost in a whisper, "oh, do you think you can like me a little--enough to be my bosom friend?"

Three years ago we moved. It wasn't a major move, so I thought. What's thirty miles of good road between friends? But with no car and no way of travelling the miles myself, I discovered that thirty miles was enough to end what I thought were friendships and turned out to be acquaintances. I was crushed. Yet what is to be done? You move on and keep living. I met people here and there, thought I was making friends, and discovered once again that growing up in a different country, with no family ties here, I was on the outside.

Continuing my desperate prayer for a friend, I have made a few in the past several months that have potential. But I'm wary. Tired of giving myself to people who will walk away when the novelty wears off. People who go back to those they've known their whole lives.

Then I met Anne. She's not really called Anne, but it suits her, and me. For she's Anne to my Diana. It is rare to find a true friend. Rarer still to realise the friendship at the first meeting. I am blessed by this friendship. Sometimes it seems that it is a fault that I can't seem to be "friends" with people. Am I too serious? Not shallow, frivolous enough? I know I do not hold "normal" conversations well. I want to know about the person I'm with, not have to talk about someone else or gossip about so and so. Maybe because I'm an outsider people don't want that type of friendship.

But here I am met. Soul to Soul. It is as if we've spent years getting over the shallows and have jumped straight into the deep, only without the years of historical getting to know you.

This friendship is worship - it's seeing God. His beauty and life and love. The seriousness of knowing Him in the heart of another and showing Him in my heart is here. In the laughter and fun and joy - and will probably be in tears and sorrow at some point. Oh, I know there will be more, year of this beauty. I haven't been told, but I know.


"Well, did you find Diana a kindred spirit?" asked Marilla as they went up through the garden of Green Gables. "Oh yes," sighed Anne.

inspiration needed here.

i spent some time looking at the archives of this blog and realised that i haven't written anything, i mean 'properly' written anything in a long time. there used to be someone that commented on my blog who inspired me, and then i stopped writing things from my soul and they stopped leaving comments. it's strange how life moves. maybe i just have no creativity in me anymore - it certainly seems to have dried up. but then maybe it's cause i just used to sit down with a blank sheet and a pen and write, and i don't do that anymore.

maybe if i wrote i would have inspiration? maybe if i read things other than legislation and policy papers i would have inspiration?

i have always wanted to read thoreau's walden and for some reason never have. so i am going to start reading it and see if it inspires anything...

just weeks now

In 17 days, after 400 days away, I will be seeing my family!

Hurrah!!

and then I will see this beautiful pool, and then celebrate with a pack of coyotes.

again, I say HURRAH!

blogging

surely everyone who has a blog goes through times when they don't blog and the blog sits online without an update for ages....yes, this one has been like that. I tend to think that my life isn't exciting enough to blog about. but the i read my friends' blogs i love that they write about their daily lives and tell about what they do and the things their kids say.

maybe i should try that - to bring more of my daily life into this blog and wait less for my brief and far between moments of brilliance.

these last couple months have been really busy. work has been, well, a bit difficult. certain co-workers have been hard to adjust to and have working alongside me. I've been given quite a bit more responsibility on my projects. Sometimes I think this is great, and other times (mostly those times when I'm having to do my work and others on top of my own) the extra work/responsibility isn't so nice. but I've been working with some interesting and helpful people all over the United Kingdom and able to go over to meetings in London and Edinburgh - long days, but good craic.

I've also been using up loads of spare time running. specifically training for an ultra-marathon (50k), which is on the 12 Sept in Oregon. it's already nerve-wracking just thinking about it, but i'm sure once i get there on the day it'll be grand. the training has been fun and very difficult but enjoyable. this race is one i've been wanting to do for a long time and i'm glad there is the chance.

hopefully this'll be the start of more frequent posts.
speak soon.

new life

it's a beautiful morning. a morning for enjoying company and sitting in the quiet listening to the birds and the sun. sitting next to you drinking tea in the morning and first breakfast, before we walk to the village and enjoy the quiet and the rustle of the countryside.

i am here, drinking a cup of mariage frères tea and missing You.

i've been away. my mind has been restless and wandering. rather than keep my feet, i've missed the stability of wandering with You.

It's a dangerous business, stepping out your front door. You never know where'll you'll be swept off to.

the danger isn't being swept away, the danger is sitting and becoming stagnant. it's time i started moving again. like the dead marshes and their creeping mould, i've let this place drag me into isolation and dormancy.

it's the simple things that lift the heart and bring the soul back into alignment.

morning has broken.

tamolitch

sunset.
dusk shadows are playing across the water
i can see you, but i wait,
motionless.
watching the birds dart as the insects skit along the surface.
behind me i can hear the rush of the rapids
but here,

here,

all is quiet.

the pool is more than just blue.
it's depths are black, edged in gold as the sun flickers through the trees.
green flirts with the edges as the water settles into the cliff's shadow.

blue breaks as a black shape cracks the surface.
the bird splashes and skitters along, then dives again.

i hear my song as the water bubbles over the pebbles and then crashes down as it gathers momentum on the rocks below me.

sunset crescendos
dusk falls
trail beckons

i will return.

happy new year

here's to 2009.

resolution?

be God's.

wholly.

yours?

scraps

It’s unclear whether of not wisdom comes with age. For the older I become the more confused and unwise I feel. Would it be wiser to break all ties with the world and protect a pained heart? Would it be wiser to show that broken object to you, giving you the possibility of bruising it even more? Is there wisdom in trust? Does wisdom come really from life, or is it what happens in life that gives it? I wonder, is wisdom offered, given, or granted? Does one have to accept it?


Blinding whiteness.
Stunning the senses and sending the head reeling into saffron and crimson.
Sparkling across paradise and passion
Light sends her caress to the earth.
Waking in the dawning, the colours are shown.
Brilliancy yet to be born
As brief glimpses wink through the trees.


Help me LORD
For I'm drowning in YOUR love.
This desire for more of YOU is over-whelming my soul.
Cover me, LORD. Kill me with YOUR grace.
Pave the way so my life can take more of YOU.
Open the floods onto my heart as I crave more passion
Beyond anything I've known before.


i seem to have lost my ability to write and finish anything. it's all frustrating scraps of .... of something. there comes a point in the writing and i have nothing left in my head, but the lines gape and end without an ending. what have i lost? or what have i gained that doesn't allow for the finishing?

thanksgiving 08

pies
Originally uploaded by girl-ferg.

in honour of the coyotes i got up this morning and ran my own turkey stuffer in 29F weather it may have been slow, but it was inspiring.

then came home, baked an apple and pumpkin pie, prepped stuffing, sweet potatoes and the turkey.

11.30 turkey in oven. dishes done. table getting set.




happy thanksgiving.