it's 03.35. sleep isn't happening. i went to bed before 11pm and finally at 02.15 got up to make a cup of tea. nothing makes sense tonight. it's a wakeful night.
i can't even write. it's as if i've been emptied of thought and emotion. there's a dryness that doesn't even breed confusion - like a desert broadening the horizon.
nearly lifeless.
barren and threatening.
sun beating with no mercy.
heat killing with pleasure.
this is no parched sand trap.
it is death.
only one doesn't die.
but goes on without knowledge
of time or space.
simply continuing.
2 comments:
Is58:11-12
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
Ps62:5
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Sometime's insomnia feels like an argument amnog my body parts. Be well, Eilis.
Life of it's Own
My eyes have a life of their own tonight
and seemingly, albeit contrary to my wishes,
are looking for something.
So they quickly gather accomplices.
Legs carry us into quiet dark rooms
and past sleeping bodies.
Hands grope for purchase in the shadows.
Even ears, carefully attending, are in cahoots.
My mind feels guilty for wanting to shut the eyes,
wanting to avoid a sort of mental curfew, indeed
eyes are in fact quite useful for provoking thought.
"But the rest of us wants to get some rest,"
reminds my mind.
My mind is reminding itself.
My mind thinks that's funny.
"We want to just relax and hang loose for awhile."
Some part mumbles, "well, not all of us..."
"...you shut up down there!" exclaims my mind.
But they continue looking, these eyes,
these troublesome, hazel eyes.
And without my consent, they adjust
to light and shadow and remain open.
"What are you searching for?"
asks my mouth.
My big, stupid mouth.
Eyes just glare in return,
flashing a "shut the hell up!"
"Screw you!" retorts my mouth.
Great, another part of my body
working entirely on it's own.
"Quiet, both of you," chimes in my mind.
"Mouth, keep yourself shut,"
but my eyes just glare in respone.
Finally, my ass comes to the rescue.
"Dude, I am dragging and feel like someone's beat me,
can we conclude this shit in bed?"
"Fine," pipes my mouth.
My eyes just roll.
Legs turn and climb lazily up the stairs.
"Finally, some sleep."
My eyes start to close...
and my mouth just smiles.
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